Happy Happy

Our gender dysphoria can bring great joy and great heartache; how do we balance the two?

The train to Sayville was due to leave Penn Station at 4:08pm.  I had fifteen minutes to relax.  My mind was already filled with visions of the coming days at my friend’s condo in the Fire Island Pines:  lying on the beach, sitting on the deck drinking cool Margaritas, quiet nights and no computer or Internet. 

As I sat in Starbucks sipping my coffee I began to notice the general mood of the people passing or standing nearby.  They were happy, content, and relaxed; chatting with friends, listening to iPods, strolling along in no apparent hurry.  There were men and women in suits, travelers with backpacks, mothers with kids, and couples, none of whom wore any of their problems on their sleeves. 


No one seemed to be affected by the sweltering heat either, as though they were all engrossed in – and enjoying -- their own little moment. 

It made me think of a book I read years ago by Dr. Wayne Dyer, entitled “You’ll See It When You Believe it.”  He talks about many concepts in this book, including metaphysics, synchronicity, universal life-force and other things. And there are many concepts contained within that can help yo see your transgender condition in a new light.  But the one thing that the scene today brought to mind was the moments of joy concept. 

Everyone has to struggle to identify who they are in their own mind, and how to present themselves to the world around them, whether these choices are their own or an attempt to fulfill the expectations of others.  Dr. Dyer writes about finding your passion in life and building a career around that.  At the same time he recognizes -- that in some cases -- some people may not have the ability or access to have such a career.

So what do you do if you can’t achieve your dream (and for career dream we can insert transition-dream, or lifestyle, or whatever you might be struggling with)?

He states that everyone has little things that make them happy and bring them joy: art, gardening, dancing, a night out with friends and so on.  Thus, he suggests, endure your job (your situation, your current gender ID etc.) as a means to an end: it fuels the financial ability to do the things that bring you joy. 

I’m not suggesting that you give up the dream of transition if that is what you feel you want or need. But if in your current situation you cannot transition fully, it doesn’t mean that every moment of everyday needs to be focused on your inability to accomplish that desire. Nor am I suggesting that you simply ignore it in a moment of escapism.  What I am suggesting is that you might be able to find legitimate moments of joy if you’re open to the idea and allow yourself to try.  Everyone is entitled to moments of joy, and life is really just a series of moments strung together.

Thus you need a plan to achieve your goal, but you also need to be able to enjoy each day for what that day brings, Because while our gender ID and gender presentation are of the highest importance in our life, it is not life unto itself. 

So take time – a moment, an hour, a day – and engage in something that brings you joy, contentment, fulfillment, and do it without any thought of yesterday or tomorrow.  Enjoy it for what it is, at that moment; experience it, let it flow through you and then let it go.  

Perhaps someday in the near future someone will observe you from a distance and wonder “hmm, I wonder why he/she is so happy?”

Until next time my lovelies, be happy, be safe, and always think pretty!